Hopes and Dreams Caught in Limbo

Vincent Van Gogh once said: "I dream of painting and then I paint my dream." I wish it were the same for the rest of us. Yes, the man did end up going insane and all..but if you take a look at the world around us, who of us isn't insane? So might as well go insane in the name of following our hearts.

I wish it were as easy in the sense of having our dreams / hopes, come to us with a such a clarity that Van Gogh portrays in his words. If you're starting to wonder, as to why I'm talking about this in my first blogging, it's because I'm about a month away from my graduation, which makes me feel somewhat liberated.

For the first time in four years I feel like I can honestly contemplate going back to drawing, writing poetry and to photography, without feeling guilty about ditching my studies. I feel like a kid again, though I thought graduating would make me feel more like an adult. I feel like I want to just put on a pair of pants, a shirt & jacket, grab my bag out of my closet and hit the road. And just experience what it is to be a travel writer. But at the same time, I want to go buy a canvas and just draw the first thing that comes to mind. And i also want to go to my mom's room, get out her old camera and walk around and just snap pictures of anything that grab's my attention. Perhaps I should pack the canvas & camera into my bag and do all three. Right?

The said reality is,that would all be good and dandy, if I weren't an 'adult', who now needs to find a job or get into a Masters program. In more than one way I am liberated. But at the same time, now the guilt seeps through from other places and not from the "I don't want to skimp out on my studies" source. Now it's the I cannot mooch off of my parents' guilt.

But I am glad that I'm getting my interests back. It's good to feel good about things that make you feel better about yourself and about things that allow you to enjoy the company of your own self.

I hope that sooner or later, preferably sooner, that whatever I want to do and that which I can do, becomes clear to me. I hate being stuck in limbo, especially when I feel that I'm so liberated at the same time.

For now, I'll try to be like the man in the picture. Suspended in time and space till further notice, but still enjoying my moment.